Reality

Have been writing frequently the past week.
Think that there is too much ups and down for me.
Finally she had know my feelings towards her.
She didn't avoid me and she even treat me as aclose friend too.
Well, I have always thought that it will be either Hell or Heaven if she finds out this feeling of mine....
But it turns out that its neither of the two, but is reality.
Maybe I am naive or ignorant.
Maybe that why I am feeling blank the past few days.
This reality is one thing that I have least expected....
I may have prepare for the worst, but not prepared for this reality.
I wonder how long will I take to sort this feelings.

A Blank Week

Finally friday has come. The last working day for my week.
Have been through some up and downs this week.
I can't believe that I still haven't come to a conclusion for her.
I still feel blank, like a walking zombie. Empty in my mind.
But strange thing is, I don't feel sad neither am I happy.
First time in my life that I feel blank and empty.

Burden Free.........or a start for another...

Finally she had see this blog of mine.
Although I feel relieved, but is another starting point of a new challenge.
What will this outcome will be? Will there be a conclusion? Am I up to the challenge?

I really blank now............
What shall be my next step?
To continue?
Or its time for this thing to come to an end?

No use guessing future...
Just like my godmother say
即 來 之﹐哲 安 之。

Stress?

Monday again...
Working for quite sometimes, feel very bored and stress.
Feel like going for holidays and relax for a while. It been really stressful to me either in work and relation.
But too bad, don't have much annual leave.

For work, actually there nothing bad about it. Its just that I will see her everyday and I feel that this is the thing that is actually affecting me.
I think I can't control my emotion well. I easily affected by it.
But what to do, fell in love with the wrong person.
Really hope that I can sort out this complicating feelings.

Lyrics - Let me die, Nicholas Tse

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to me goodnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
My heart for you is true
Let no one take that from you, time is running tight
Can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

It's time to say fare-well,
No need to cry or feeling sorrow
It's alright,
All in the book of life,
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go...

I will love you till the end of time,
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more...

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to me goodnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go...

I will love you till the end of time,
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can give me strength to fight
Till the sky is burning, it's the end of time

Look ahead tomorrow, a long and winding road
Keep the faith of mine don't let it go
You're the only reason night ain't growing cold
What will I do, without you

I will love you till the end of time,
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright,
Life, no longer empty,
With you in my heart,
In my heart...

ShenBing 

Drawing of mine

東方問世。 神兵3。
Long time never draw. Don't know whether I still up to my standard?

Dilema

Sometimes I just feel like laughing at myself.
It seem that I am on one hand trying very hard to avoid her, but on the other hand, I am enjoying the every moments I have with her.
Well, for today, I feel very happy to have a chance to share an umbrella with her when we are going for lunch. I was thinking to myself that how it will be like if she is my girl? How the feeling will be like?

When we are going back home in the evening, we drop by Causeway Point and I ask her to have a cup of coffee with me if she free.
I'm very glad that she is willing to acompany me. I feel very happy,
But when I saw her board the bus to go home, the thoughts of impossible feels my mind again.
I just don't know what should be the next step for me.........
Do I have the courage to face the facts?

A song that suit my mood now

Everybody’s got something, they had to leave behind,
One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering, (or wondering),
How it could be now, or might have been, (or might have been),
All this I know, but still I can’t find ways to let you go,
I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.

Somewhere in my memory I’ve lost all sense of time,
And tomorrow can never be cause yesterday is all that fills my mind,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering (or wondering),
How it should be now, or might have been (or might have been),
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go,
I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to .
A part of me will always be

You’ll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby,
You’ll always be the one I know I’ll never forget,
There’s no use looking back or wondering, (or wondering),
Because love is a strange and funny thing, (and funny thing),
No matter how I try and try I just can’t say goodbye, no no no no.
I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say, (never found the words to say),
You’re the one I think about each day, (you’re the one I think about each day),
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be...
A part of me will always be with you, oooohhh.

Never had a Dream Come True

By S Club 7

Nothing much to say, very bored

Few days has passed.
Feeling much more better. I think I have awaken from my dream to face the reality.
The truth to me is now clear, I should not hang on something that is hopeless.
Although I still feel sad and unwilling to let go, but is not that bad compare to couple of weeks ago.
Maybe I start to learn to accept my fate. There's no point for me to guess the future, just let fate take its own course.
Just like what Justin had tell me before, I have think too much.

Worse than ever

For the past week, I try to cut down interaction with her. I was able to do it on the monday & tuesday, but give up after that. My determination is weak. I don't know why. Maybe I eager to see her everyday at the bus-stop and going back with her. But I know myself I should stop that.

Feeling worse as each day passes.

Feeling down

Just read Seng's Blog. Feel very sad for him.
He is a nice person and he's so pure and devoted to the one he's love.
I really wish that things will turn out well for him.

For me, things aren't smooth too. I plan to tell her my feeling this week, but can't find a good opportunity. Maybe I giving excuses to myself. Maybe I don't even had the courage to face the facts.

Company BBQ

I was at East Coast yesterday for my company BBQ. I were quite anticipating it a month ago, but feel disappointed when the date draws near.
I thought of not attending it as I already guess that it will be boring. Maybe the main reason is I don't want to face the reality. I don't want to see her with her guy.

Anyway I did go to the BBQ as I have earlier on promised my colleague, Laura, I would help her with the food. Although the BBQ is not as dull as I imagine, but I still don't have the mood.
When I finally saw her and her guy, I feel even worse. I thought of leaving the place quietly after I fufill my promised to Laura.

When I just about to leave, Jasmine who seem to notice my weird behaviour, ask me to go for a chat. We went to a corner with a can of beer and I start to tell her my trouble.
I have a good chat with Jasmine and feel better after that. Thanks alot Jasmine.
Hope I will sort up my thinkings and feelings.