Its Good to be back

So fast this month going to pass soon.
This month sure have a lot of happenings, But I glad a lot of lesson learned.
Finally I can really say out loud that I have step out of it.
Maybe mainly because of the event at the chalet when I was drunk.
Although I'm quite embarrassed of the things I do where I don't have any impression of what happen,
I won't forget this day. To serve as a reminder to me that it will not happen again.
And I won't indulge in problems so stubbornly.
Many of my views has changed since as I keep reflecting the things I've done.
Lesson have to be learned so that you won't make the same mistake.
Feeling really good now. Back to old times. Carefree.

More to let it out

After writing the below post, I feel its better that I let out everything.
I been holding too much inside me that make me feel sad & sorrow.

I have like SL from the time we met each other.
I tried not to think much of it as she was attached that time.
But when the time goes by, I became so deeply indulge that I think its time to do something.
I let her know and we remain as good friends as she still love her guy alot.
I respect her decision and tried to be a Best buddy.

But no matter how hard I tried, I can't denied that I still hold feelings for her.
These have keep on for a while till SH join the company.
Due to the same area we stay, we have become close and became good friends.
After some time, I start to think that maybe I should go after SH rather than SL.
And the actual reason, I thought I can force myself to give up SL if I'm with SH.
Is more of forcing myself to a one way path as I know that the chance to be with SL will be gone if I do this.
I now then realised how stupid I am.
I'm not treating SH as a replacement, but the feelings I have is abit more on SL side.

Well, in the end, I got nowhere and I thought I could just let it go.
Things are going fine for a while as both of them has left the company.
Really thought it will end like this till heaven play a joke on me.
During one meet up with SL, I got drunk and blurt everything out.
Haiz .... can read the rest from my post.

Regards,
Calvin

Sorting my messy life

When I tell people that my life is in amess.
Some say its not, its only me who make it complicated.
But others do say its pretty messy right now, better do something about it.

I do feel there's a need to sort up abit as I have starting to lost my way.
Those Code of my life which I've holding it up with honour and pride is no longer there.
I can't even keep a promise that I made. I can'y even work professionally now.
All of these are already gone and I still stubbornly argue that I have a pride to keep.

I think I'm too afraid to admit the failure and judgement I made.
Regardless is relationship or others.

I once thought I can forgo my pride and everything else if its for True Love.
Think this is only just an excuse. I'm just a coward who don't want to admit own mistakes.
I'm been looking for True Love for so many years and the funny things is I don't understand Love.

Its not as though I don't like her, but its takes two hands to form a clap.
To remain as friends or gamble all the way to become couple is what I thought.
I've pushing the limits towards the impossible.
Think I better stop and think about it again before I do a stupid thing again.

I wish to isolate for awhile to reborn again. To really learn the mistakes I made.

Mark of the Wolves
Calvin

World of Hypocrite

So many people keeping things from me.
So many people using me.
Do you all really think I'm stupid?
Are they really call friends?
How much trust I put in them and this is what I get.
Its time for me to stop being a Fool.

Mark of the Wolves
Calvin